


To be so lonely

by cleopatrasbigneedle



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual!Hotch, Friend with benefits, M/M, Reid had daddy issues, Season 3, Secret Relationship, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26830297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleopatrasbigneedle/pseuds/cleopatrasbigneedle
Summary: Spencer Reid may come off as a blushing virgin, what with his aversion to touch, but Reid knows himself better. After Gideon’s sudden departure, Reid gets bold, and stops letting life pass him by.Aaron Hotchner may seem like he has it all together, a wife, a kid, he seems like a pretty straight laced guy, but Hotch knows himself better, and after Haylee leaves him, he recognizes a need that has always been there.It’s stupid how well they fit. They are both private people with no want for a relationship. It’s just sex. It has to be.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 5
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1/2 I’ve never written smut so be nice :)   
> Ummm yes there are typos

The first time it’s fast, a bit rough, and just what the doctor called for. Hotch was staying later and later, not wanting to go back to an empty home, anyways, there is always work to be done. Reid had always been the last to leave, constantly reading up on old cases, still trying to prove his worth, or reading scientific journals, or classic literature. The point is, they both realize that it’s weird for Hotch to be in his office working, and for Reid to be at his desk all alone on the work floor. Hotch invites Reid in to his office to talk about a case, after everyone else has cleared out. They do talk about the case, no funny business, but then Reid stayed and Hotch doesn’t tell him to leave. It become routine, they talk about everything, cases, theories, a bit of gossip, and sometimes a bit of personal life, but just what coworkers would talk about. Sometimes they don’t talk at all, just comfortable silence as Reid reads a mile a minute, and Hotch does paperwork.  
It’s hard to know looking back, if it could have been stopped. Probably not. If it hadn’t happened when it did, it would have happened the week after, or the next day.  
Hotch need help with a document, he actually truly did. He need Reid’s help to recall the specific fact about a case from a photo. So Reid came around the desk, and bent over, leaning in close to the picture. He recognized it immediately, of course, but the electric current in the room was compelling him to go with the flow. Reid made slightly unnecessary skin contact with Hotch’ Shane to pluck the pen from it, and scrawled the date and time the body was discovered on the document. This contact initiated by Reid must have broken the flood gates for Hotch because the next thing the young doctor knew, he was being pulled down on to his unit chief’s lap. Reid didn’t hesitate, he just felt. Of course there was the part of his mind that was cataloguing all of this, and the steady stream of dialogue telling him that he was making a mistake, but for whatever reason, he didn’t pull make. Hotch met him half way, crushing their lips together fiercely. Hotch steadied Ried on his lap with his hands going to Reid’s small waist. Reid’s slender hands latched on to neck and head, moving in to Hotch’s dark hair. They kiss deeply and then they are really moving. Necks are being bit, hopefully not leaving marks, ties are loosened, and then undone. Reid’s skillful hands undo bitch Hotch’s and his own buttoned up shirts, while Hotch does everything short of stopping him by distraction. Hotch is taking full advantage of being allowed access to Reid, hand descending to his ass, kneading the toned muscle there, and then moving on to the front to grasp at the outline of Reid’s cock. Hotch undoes botch of their belts and pants finally freeing both of their lengths. Now Reid is moaning openly into Hotch’s skin, biting and sucking Hotch’s chest. Hotch wraps a hand around them both and begins to stroke.  
“I want to fuck you, but I don’t have any lube or condoms,” Hotch says hotly into Reid’s ear.

“Better luck, uauugh, next time?” Reid manages through wanton moans. 

Hotch chuckles as Reid continues to squirm under his movements. 

“Yes, Doctor.”

It shouldn’t have been easy after they had come, messily, in Hotch’s big hand. It shouldn’t have felt normal to talk about work and cases in their post coital haze. They didn’t kiss again, but Reid stayed straddled on Hotch’s lap for long minutes, whispering into each other. When they decided they should probably go home, they did so separately, obviously. 

“I don’t need to tell you that this needs to stay between us, and that this won’t garner any special favors from me as your unit chief, do I?” Hotch asked lightly, purposely not untucking Reid’s hair from behind his ear, because that would undermine his point completely.

“Of course, you say that as if I haven’t sleep with people in positions of power before, how do you think I got through school so fast?” Reid shoot back, an odd quirk of humor in his eyes.

“You were a minor for all of your education— Oh my god, you were making a joke. Sex makes Dr. Spencer Reid tell jokes, who would have thought?” Hotch says with a bit of delight in his voice that is quickly tamped down.

After that, it’s like nothing has changed, except that Hotch is brushing up on how to give blow jobs, something he hasn’t done since college, and he know has cleverly disguised condoms and lube in his office. The first time they fucked was not what Hotch had expected. Even though he knew that Reid was obviously a sexually active guy in his twenties, he still had a hard time seeing him as someone that has had lots of sexual. Well maybe not lost of sex, but he knows what he’s doing. After a few more sessions of frottage Hotch’s office, Reid said “I want you to fuck me” just like that. Hotch suggested that they perhaps go to Reid’s apartment the next night, and so they did. It wasn’t even awkward with Reid, well not in a bad way. Hotch had come to enjoy Reid steady stream of facts and talking, and was able to understand what Reid meant when he talked about random things, like when he was hungry, he often talked about canine instincts and the dogs evolution into a domesticated animal. So when Reid talked about classic literature as Hotch drove them to Reid’s apartment, Hotch knew that he was at ease, a bit excited, but trying to calm down. If Hotch was one to profile his coworkers, he would definitely have things to say about what Reid’s organizational system said about his mental state, but he didn’t do that so he said that he also thought Jane Erye was an interesting take when applied to modern romance. It was a neat place and with little fanfare. Reid don’t spend a lot of time here, and this was obvious. Reid lead him to the bedroom, where a sparse looking queen bed was positioned in the middle, there were books on the right bed side table, and that as far as Hotch got before he was being pulled into a hot kiss, and being pushed down on to the plush bed. Reid straddled his muscled body, an imitation almost of their first in the office. Their shirts were gone before Reid was rolled over and Hotch was on top of him, carefully not putting to much weight on the seemly fragile younger man. Hotch undid Reid’s pants, and pulled off his tight boxers. Reid long and pale dick was flushing a pretty pink, already half hard. And just because he could, Hotch took his type brushing Reid’s puckering hole, watching it quiver under just the light pressure of his thumb. 

“Hoootchh,” Reid said breathily. “Lube, ahh, right bedside, ahh. Ah Hotch!”

That last one was in response to Hotch taking some of Reid’s precum and messily spreading into Reid’s tight hole. Hotch looks up with a smirk on his lips, trying not to show how effected he is by Reid’s sweet noises, but in truth, Hotch could come from the sounds alone. As to not but this thought to the test, Hotch reaches over to the bedside table to get lube and a condom, and finds them with quick success. Hotch wastes no time in coating a finger and Reid’s hole, which is quickly becoming one of his favorite things about the younger man. He pushes a digit in, a bit unsure of himself. He knows that penetrative sex is different for everyone and that both guys and girls need prep, but he hasn’t been with a man in so many years that he doesn’t want to hurt Reid, but he always needs to get inside him. Reid makes up his mind for him.  
“Hotch, I need more, please, I uh, I really like it.”

Hotch hadn’t even been trying to hit Reid prostate with his single finger and he highly doubts he did. No Reid is letting him know of a like of assplay, Reid likes the stretch and burn, several fingers, making him messy. Hotch’s mind briefly flashes so Reid getting fisted by an unknown man, and is suddenly protective. In an effort not to quit stalling, he makes himself talk. During sex is probably the only time Reid talks less and Hotch talks more, once they get into it, so he does.  
It’s like a switch that gets turned on, suddenly Hotch is spewing obscenities that he could never think up in the light of day, and Reid eats it up. Hotch adds a second finger, while calling Reid a cockslut, and Reid is incoherent. Hotch is able to hit Reid prostate, making his moans grow, and pleas for his cock begin.  
“Reid if I don’t give you another finger and I fuck you right now, you won’t be able to talk, is that what you want? You’re such a filthy little brat.”  
Hotch, still thinking for the most part with his rational brain, quickly adds a third finger, knowledge that Reid had barely begun to adjust to two of his big digits. It wasn’t Hotch’s arrogance, he truly did have a large cock, lengthy, but the power that it held was also in its astounding girth. After another few rough pumps in of his fingers, and lots of muffled cries and near screams from a very vocal and sensitive Reid, Hotch finally undid this pants, and sheathed his cock in a condom. Lots of lube was lube was applied, because even after three fingers of prep, the fucking was still going to be rough. Hotch bumped the tip of his cock against Reid’s now empty hole, just to hear Reid’s cries. Reid was close to coming, and god knows so was Hotch, so there was little patience for teasing. For all of Reid’s talk about assplay, his hole still instinctively tightened at the intrusion.  
“Shh easy does it, I thought you wanted my cock, sweetheart?”  
Hotch grasped Reid’s aching length as Reid’s whined a plea. He began to push in, while stroking Reid’s cock, to distract from the obvious strain. Once he has mostly seated in Reid’s velvety heat, Hotch leaned in close. Reid legs had been bent but Hotch shifted them to his shoulders. This would allow for deeper thrusts, but it would also allow Hotch to kiss Reid, and so he did, as he gently fuck his away inside, he languidly kissed and but Reid on the lips, on the neck and chest. And soon Reid was softly canting his hips telling Hotch to hurry up, making Hotch almost lose it right then. Hotch needed no further instructions, he started to fuck Reid with abandon, uncaring of the obscene noises that their bodies were making, the praises and filth coming from Hotch’s mouth, and the very telling incoherent noises coming from Reid. Soon, all to soon, Reid was coming in his hand, and Hotch was coming inside Reid, clamping down and thing stupid he might say in the moment my biting down on the junction between Reid neck and shoulder, a place that makes him moan at the slightest brush of lips.  
Hotch is with it enough to pull out and dispose of the condom before begins to soften, much to Reid’s displease, if Reid’s “noo, too empty now” mutters were anything to go by. It almost made Hotch wan to slip back in, even though it held no particular sexual interest at the moment. As Reid drifted in a different time plane, Hotch cleaned him up, almost sweetly. As Reid resurfaved, they talked about the case they were working on, post orgasm brainpower was no joke. Hotch thought about how Haylee would freak if there were even case flies in the house, let alone in the bedside table, liek Reid. Their talks made Hotch want to jot things down, and when he said as much, Reid laughed.

“Eidetic memory, remember?” 

“Of course, right,” Hotch looks away, trying to remember all the things he called Reid I. The past half an hour, aiming up mostly blank. A rare blush spread out on Hotch’s face.

“What?” Reid asked, a little confused.

“The things I called you, were quite, uh, obscene, and you are going to remember them all,” Hotch says this while stroking Reid’s jaw, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Reid temple.

“Oh, uhh, I actually really like them, I could talk about how certain sexual desires are rooted in chil—“

Hotch cut him off with a nip to his earlobe.

“Doctor, are you telling me you like to be called a good cockslut because your dad didn’t love you?”

“Yes, but also Special Agent, I believe I was telling you that you like praising and demeaning a sexual partner in bed because your mother didn’t hug you enough.”

“Hmmm,” Hotchner hummed into Reid’s neck. “ I think you must be right then.”

Then, as if unleashing a monster neither of them could have predicted, they are insatiable. Perhaps a years in loveless marriage mixed with a 20 some year old sex drive can yield that. 

It’s not obvious, to the team, but Hotch is a bit paranoid. When Morgan notices a love bite on Reid’s lower neck when Reid’s adjust his collar, he whoops.

“My man! I just knew you were with someone that appreciates pretty boys?”

“Not chance Morgan,” Reid says barely looking up from the file in his hand.

“Oh man! Just give me something! I’m your best friend! What’s she look like?”

Hotch want to interrupt but he knows that that would be worse than whatever Reid will say.

“Ah yes! The classic “before you give me a hickey I need a picture of you to show to my nosey coworker.”

“Ah ha! There is someone, you didn’t even try to deny it!”

That’s when JJ blessedly talks in to the briefing room, except then she asks,

“What’s going on?”

“Reid is gettin’ sum and he’s being stingy about the details.”

JJ raises an impeccable eyebrow, looks between Reid and Morgan for a second, and then to Hotch.

For a split second, Hotch panics and thinks she knows, but then his brain catches up, and he realizes she wants him to start the briefing.

“While who anyone of you sleep with is fascinating, there are 3 women dead in Ohio, and we don’t want a fourth, wheels up in 30 minutes,” Hotch says with what he hopes is is normal serious tone. 

Later, Hotch kisses the very spot that had casued so much trouble, the one that’s clearly an erogenous zone for Reid.  
Reid moans out a “Hotchh, ahhh, that’s just mean, don’t put me through that again, I’m such a bad liar sometimes”

“Stop moaning when I touch you there in, that’s why it’s to enticing,” Hotch says into said spot and then lightly bites it.

The first time Hotch reaches out to touch Reid in public, is the first time he seeing with blindly clarity how much trouble he is in. Reid does a pretty good job at keeping his hands to himself around the team, a light brush is an accident, to others, it’s not a big deal. Hotch tries to contain himself, and tucking a lock of hair behind Reid’s ear when it’s in his face, is not contained. He stops for a second, but he is already half was there, so he redirects and acts like he was going to turn Reid’s attention to a detail in the picture, with a tap to his shoulder. It’s quick and not obvious, but here’s the thing, no one touches Reid, other than a accidental brush. Hotch needs to be more careful.

And there it is. The dilemma. If they are found out, and it’s just sex, and it ends, Reid might just be transferred. But if it what it feels like lately, spending the night at their other’s homes, long talks, non sexual encounters, well dating things. Yes they fuck, but it’s not only rough, it’s also slow and sweet, and sometimes Hotch calls Reid ‘baby’ and ‘sweetheart’. And Reid melts. So if they are found out, and they half to break up, and they still have to see each other around the Bureau, it would be awful. 

But the thing is, feelings make you stupid, and no matter how much they both could see this ruining parts of their lives, the pros out water the cons. 

After a long and hard case in California, the jet arrives in Virginia late, like late enough it’s doesn’t make sense for Reid and Hotch to go to the office and wait for everyone else to leave. Everyone is leaving directly from the jet. They need to decide what to do, and Hotch does.

“Reid, I’ll drive you home,” Hotch says nonchalant, like he has totally offered to take people home before.

“I can take the—“

“The buses stopped ruining an hour ago, come on you like downtown?”

“Yeah, in the university district.”

It was no secret that Hotch did not live in the city, in fact, there were few details that Hotch had shared, but a few Christmases ago, Haylee had wanted to get to know the team. This was noted by Morgan, how sleepily looked between the pair with a question in his eyes.

That night, they didn’t go to Reid’s small apartment, they went to Hotch’s big house, with curtains on the windows, Reid’s preferred brand of lube, and a worn copy of Jane Erye. They fell right asleep, and fucked lazily in the morning, with light kisses, and soft touches. 

There was a ring of the door bell, and Hotch looked over a Reid with confusion. 

“I’ll go see who that is,” Hotch said as he pulled on a shirt and a loose pair of pants.

Enough time pasted for Reid to get curious passed, and so Reid but on a pair of Hotch’s boxers and a shirt that was also several sizes too big.

Right as he was coming down the stairs, Reid realized his mistake. In the foyer, stood Haylee in professional clothes, holding on to Jack’s shoulder. 

“Who is she? Who are you sleeping with?” Haylee demanded.

“I don’t see how that it’s any of your business because we are separated,” Hotch shot back, defensively.

“Well if she’s some floozy I don’t want her around Jack! I guess I can see if my sister can take him. Is she still—“

Yes, he was in fact still here.

“Oh my god, you’re the doctor kid! Spencer right? You’re sleeping with you male coworker!?!”

This last part was directed back at Hotch.

Jack moved towards him at a quick pace, and Spencer walked down the rest of the stairs and squared down to talk to the boy.

“Hi Jack, I’m Spencer, I don’t know if you remember me, it’s been a while. I am a friend of your dad’s.”

“I remember you! Why is your hair all messed up?”

“Cause I just woke up, and I haven’t brushed it yet. I didn’t know I was going to be seeing you, but if I did I would have brushed it just for you!”

Truth, his hair was mess because Hotch had pulled it while fucking him this morning, but sometimes honestly is not the best policy.

“Why are you at my house?”

Spencer looked up at Hotch, and then Haylee.

“Well, we flew here on a jet last night, and I was really tired, so you dad let me have a sleepover.”

“Oh okay. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

And just like that Haylee and Jack knew. In a weird way, it pushed Reid and Hotch closer, the wanting to appear stable for Jack, Jack who adore Spencer, and Haylee who tolerated him, but appreciated the extra help with the kid. 

But kids can’t keep secrets.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s crazy how quickly how routine Spencer’s life had become, and not in a bad way at all. Aaron, yes Aaron, had asked if he could call Spencer his boyfriend. And even though they couldn’t tell anyone, they were together. It’s wasn’t a strain, work don’t come between them, like it had for Aaron and Haylee. Spencer thinks that removing the possibility of reconciliation from both Haylee and Aaron’s minds helped the process of healing, and helped clarify things for Jack. Jack had lost a normal dad and mom situation, but gained more love in general. Jack understood without being told explicitly that Spencer was more than his daddy’s friend that slept over. Spencer was a regular at the house. Haylee had gotten the job she had been on her way to interview for the day she found out about Spencer and Aaron. She moved into a small two bedroom house, and Jack suddenly had two bedrooms to fill with toys. Spencer made dinosaur jokes and picked Jack up from soccer practice. Jack had been confused on what to call Spencer, but had decided that Spencer wasn’t homely enough. Jack tried out Papa, but thankfully, settled on ‘Doc.’

Aaron and Spencer tried not to be so obvious at work but it hard to know if they were succeeding, they were both falling so hard in love, but honestly, they didn’t much care about their team finding out. Aaron decided that unless they started having PDA in front of the team, nothing would be said, and that was okay.

When Morgan pulled Spencer a side and started to ask questions, that’s when Hotch got nervous.

“You and Hotch are close right? You stay late and play chess?” Morgan asks.

“Yeah something like that. Why?” 

“Are you, I mean come on man, he’s married—“ Morgan was cut off by a squeal of a child.

“Doc!” Jack was running from Haylee’s side right to Spencer.

Out of habit, Spencer scooped up the little guy.

“How are you champ? No soccer today? Play hooky? You know if you start skipping school, you’ll never become a doctor.”

“No skipping I promise! Just wanted to say goodbye to you and dad before mom and I go on the trip.”

“Ahh right I forgot! The trip to the great beyond! Canada!”

“Doc you didn’t forget, and no it’s not to Canada! It’s to Maine! You’re pulling my leg.”

“You caught me! Alright your daddy’s in a meeting right now, but I’ll go see if I can spring him,” Reid said, putting Jack down. 

Morgan sent him a ‘this isn’t over look’ and then squared to talk to Jack.

After Jack’s visitation, Spencer caught Aaron by the arm and said “Morgan thinks you and I are having an affair. I’m going to tell him that you two are separated, is that okay?”

“Oh baby, yeah, I’m sorry this makes you look like the dirty mistress.”

“You know I prefer the term adulterous whore,” Spencer said in his way of humor.

So they talk.

“Man that’s so messed up. You and Haylee are like friends, how could you—“

“Haylee cheated on Aaron, and they are getting a divorce. Hotch and I well, we started dating about 3 months ago, but we’ve been together almost as long as they’ve been separated, so about 9 months. Haylee and I get along because we both love Jack. Any further questions?”

“I didn’t know Hotch liked dudes, but you pretty boy, well I had a feeling—“

“Come on!”

“Kidding, kidding, I am gald that everything is faithful, and I am gald you are happy crazy in love. It’s kinda disgusting and it’s super obvious.”

After a gay bashing case in Idaho had Reid have a small nervous break down, Hotch knew he didn’t to tell the team.

Hotch felt useless, only being able to offer comfort in a plutonic way, rubbing his shoulder, talking in his ear. Even these small gestures went scrutinized by Rossi, Garcia, JJ, and Prentiss.

On the jet, Hotch had guided Reid to a lying down position, and placed his jacket on top of his sleeping love.

Hotchner didn’t need to look up to see that he had everyone’s eyes, and with a tilt of his head, he motioned for everyone o gather at the table, other than of course Reid.

“Though I do not expect you all to suddenly disclose private information about yourselves, I fell as though I must, about myself, and Spencer,” Hotch paused to look at his team individually. “ Spencer and I have been dating for some time now, Haylee and I got divorced, a while back, though that had nothing to do with Reid. You are all intelligent people, I am sure you noticed something is different, but I hold no biases, and I am still everyone’s unit chief, the same as before, I just want to stress—“

“I think I speak for everyone when I say, I am very happy for you two, and that we know that you are very honorable, and no one would ever think otherwise,” Emily said with a smile playing on her lips.

Hotch had been braced for the worst, and now was feeling silly for doing so.

“You two make each other very happy, I don’t see a problem with that,” JJ commented.

“About time,” was all Rossi said, “want to be obvious about it for another 6 months?”

Garcia looked a little dumbfounded, but ultimately just chuckled.


End file.
